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Vandreal
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Name: Matthew
Birthday: 1/16/1983
Gender: Male
Interests: God, Martial Arts, Gymnastics, Who knows what else.
Expertise: Expertise? What are those? How do you get them?
Occupation: Supervisor
Industry: Hospitality
Message: message me
AIM:  ScareZeo
Yahoo:  ScareZeo
Member Since:
8/25/2005
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| I seem to be at a crossroads in my life once again. Hmm, I come on here a lot when this happens I suppose. Anyways, I have a decision to make. If I should actively persue a career in the police force, stay with my current job and hope it goes somewhere soon or go back to school for 2 years and be a Youth Minister? I know those are very different career choices but they all hold one commonality; they all are in the work of helping others. My current work at a hospital, protecting the people on the force and saving souls in the Lord's work. Though the last is something I'll always be trying to do with my life I'm not sure if I should make it my whole life. It'll always be at the fore-front (or at least I'll try and put it there), but am I someone who can do that? I know I have what it takes to be an officer on the force, though everyone else seems to think I would get killed. That's rather depressing in and of itself. Almost out of spite I feel like joining to prove them wrong, but that shouldn't be my reason to do so. I know I have the intellect to make it to detective someday even. But, should I persure that line of work. Will it sit well with my beliefs. Should I try and persue both or just stay where I am? That, truly is the most depresing thought. To stay where I am. I need to keep moving forward in my life, but can I do that in my current job position? Everything that I am tells me I can't and won't, but what can I do? I have bills to pay so how can I reconcile that with going back to school? I know God will take care of me. I feel I should be putting a "but" there, however, I know that I can't otherwise it shows I have no faith in God to take care of me. All I can do is try in all things to o his will and aim for the course of action that is in accordance with his will. Please, those of you who still read this, be praying for me. 
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| I guess, now that I'm a graduate and fully into the business world I am getting rather nostalgic. Thinking about what I've gained... and lost. Where I'm going and been. How I have changed, for the better and worse; and how I want to change (that one is just for the better  ). I think about the places I would want to go if I was to move for my career. Places in Texas, but also other places; Colorado, Arizona, Tennessee, Illinois, Ireland? Would I ever have the chance to see those places, to live there? If so, how would it change my life, change me? But, it's at this point I actually recall and reflect upon something my father pointed out to me that our Father said to us. "... do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about it's own things". (Mat 6:34 I know what is still in my heart, and I know what I still want for myself and my life. And I know that those things all share in the goals that God, Christ and the Holy Spirit tell me to strive for. So, each day I shall strive for those things, but not those things alone. Because I am commanded to "... seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you". It is in God, Christ and the Holy Spirit that I hold my faith, but it is in this world that I show my faith. For faith without works is dead; and that faith is the substance of those dreams and the evidence of their clarity to me. I wish all of you and wonderful day, and a God blessed life. 
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| Well... This is it. My last semester. I have everything going, I just need to make it till May (or through May, that's probably the better choice). There has been quite a bit that has changed with me. I now have my internship started at Trinity Medical Center and I'm set to graduate from UNT in May; May 10th to be exact. I know I haven't been here in a while, but that's me. I lose contact with people easily, and I'm forgettable. I found that out recently. People tend to be able to forget about me fairly often.... Oh well, right? Alright, I've got to take a quiz so I will get ya'll later.
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| In the times of what we believe is our strongest faith thus far, or at least the strongest in a long time, we... I still manage to fall so easily. Why? I fully believe that if I could remove these parts of me that have a hand in my falling again and again I would severe them. Even if it meant equaling the extreme of severing an arm. If it mean't my falling so easily so often and almost never falling because of that desire, that temptation, I would gladly choose that extreme. But, unfortunately it's not that simple or easy. Though to some that does not seem like an easy task, compared to my failings, it would be as hard as opening my eyes. I am not sure why God loves us so much, but I certainly don't want to waste that love, and what we have gained through it. All I can do is continually re-dedicate myself to Him. I can only hope and pray that He forgives me. It's just times like these I feel like I can't get back up, because of my transgressions I know I don't deserve what I ask of Him. And He gives to me by grace, not by what I deserve, but it's also the asking that I do not deserve. Thank you for what you have done, are doing, and will do for me; Thank You.
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| Well, I guess I should go ahead and write since a number of other people are writing again.
I rather feel like being serious right now I suppose, almost philosophical.
You know, I truly believe that a person can love someone over time, though it takes a great deal of commitment from the two people. Unfortunately, that can still be a duck and run game. I haven't felt this content in a long time, at peace really, and the only thin that feels like it's missing is someone to have around that doesn't drive me crazy. I think that a person that won't drive me crazy is someone I don't/won't want to lose. I'm not sure if any of this makes sense, but it sounds right in my "ears". The song that is posted with this is one that I really think has a lot to say about my life, because I do believe that God has had a hand in were I am now (not that He ever hasn't). But, at this exact point in my life, were I am physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. My expectations are not what they used to be. Really any expectations I had (that were good things) have really turned to being hopes, whereas my expectations now are something of a more realistic nature. I hope one day to be married, to have children, to support my family, to be an good Christian example. What I expect is that I will live each day I am given as another day, and that each day I will more than likely stumble or even fall. But I will get back up, and I will Not give up! I hope and pray each day that my hopes will become reality, and I expect God to grant or deny or put off for a time the things which I ask of Him. There are those people who I "know" and have faith in, and they may end up being "Northern Stars" for me, but no matter what.... I will be "there" for them. And that is what I will do each day as long as God allows me to remain here on this earth.
-God's Grace and Peace unto you all of your days.
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